This is the third part in a series…go back and read Part 1 here or Part 2 here.
I ended my 100 days of no dating but this was just the beginning of personal growth for me. This is when I did my first solo travel adventure. It was unplanned but it was the start of something really, really great. When I got to the end of the 100 days of no dating I started wondering if I should go for the whole year. I started to feel like maybe I was using this as an excuse to not put myself out there. I think I heard the voice of culture and the actual voice of others hurrying me along. You’ve got to get back out there as soon as possible. You’re wasting time and you have to find your person before 30. Taking time out to heal isn’t praised in this culture and it isn’t admired but I think the dating world would be a lot better if we did.
I redownloaded dating apps and on my profile, I wrote something about my sprint triathlon. I started swiping and wasn’t too picky about my swiping. I almost didn’t talk to this guy even though we matched. He wasn’t really “my type” but he was objectively a good catch and I think he extended the time on the match so I sent him a “Hey : )” (this was my go to opener…face palm) and he replied with a witty line asking me if he was going to see me on a Wheaties box. He was funny and smart and he made me laugh. Every evening we would message nonstop for hours. A few times I started laughing out loud while texting him and someone suggested that I ask him to hangout and I very impulsively sent the text. I rarely make the first move and I know..I know you’re going to tell me we are in the modern dating age…but just stay tuned.
Taking time out to heal isn’t praised in this culture and it isn’t admired but I think the dating world would be a lot better if we did.
We set a date. He told me he would text me the afternoon of because he was calling to make a reservation (green flags!). He promptly texted me right at 2pm as he promised he would (more green flags!). We lived far apart and decided to meet in a mutually beneficial town. So I left my house early in case of traffic. I remember I started getting really nervous. I think this is when the dating anxiety started setting in. I was running very early so I decided to stop at a gas station and get a water. I got back in the car and started driving. I remember I said out loud, “God please let this be a good date. It doesn’t have to be anything more than one date but I just really need one good date.” The sky let out and I could barely see to drive. I couldn’t find the place and I was lost. I was suddenly late. When I showed up I was 15 minutes late, not a great way to start off a date that has a reservation involved.
At the end of the date, he walked me to my car. Before we parted ways he said, “I’m heading out of town next week. I’d really like to see you again before I go.” (green flags…love a man who is direct and intentional) If we’re honest, I wasn’t ready to meet someone that I wanted to date. I was caught totally off guard by his interest. I don’t know how to explain it other than I was so focused on making it through the date that I didn’t really think about any future. I wasn’t thinking about whether I liked him or whether he would like me or whether we would go out again.
I’m not the type of person who falls head over heels for anyone. I’m very logical most of the time.
I was guarded and I was scared of love and I’m sure I sent the most mixed of signals. We traded numbers and we texted a little bit that evening and I went to bed. I’m expecting to hear from him soon…and something like 5 days go by and I hear nothing. But at the same time I don’t reach out to him because men who want to date you…will make sure you know it. I’m so confused. I’m sure lots of other people would try to fill in the blanks in the story but I’ve found it’s best that we don’t. We don’t know his side of the story. We don’t know what else was at play…all we know is I had expectations and things didn’t go according to my expectations.
Someone suggests to me I just text him so after 5 days I break down and I do. I ask him if he’d like to go to a sporting event. We go and we’re heading to the car. He asks me if I’m going home and I say yes. He asks if I want to go downtown. I say yes. We go to a karaoke bar. There is nothing that I would rather do less than have to sing in public. I am a terrible singer and it makes me feel so insecure. He goes and he sings and he has a great voice. Like people made a line at the bar to tell him how great it was. I joked with him that he has fans who want autographs. Needless to say I did not sing. We stay out past midnight on a weeknight and he walks me to my car and he kisses me goodnight.
At this point, I leave thinking this is for sure my next boyfriend. I’m not the type of person who falls head over heels for anyone. I’m very logical most of the time. We parked in a very confusing parking garage, one that I would later have to park in for a job and I would routinely lose my car in there even after a year…so it is in fact a confusing parking garage. I turn towards the right to leave and I realize oh no…I can’t get out this way so I try to be cool (something I’m totally not) and I decide I’ll wait a few minutes to turn around. By that time he’ll be gone and he’ll never know. When I turn around and pull back up the ramp, he’s sitting there in his truck waiting for me (insert blushing embarrassed face emoji). I’ve never felt more flustered in my life. Repeat I am not a girl who falls hard for anyone…
To be continued…