I never crossed paths with my grandfather or as I probably would have called him my abuelo (I’m half-Cuban if you didn’t know) on this Earth but legend has it that he was a world-class yachtsmen and a physician. I’m very aware that lots of times we like to embellish history through the generations so I Googled this to see if I could find anything to back that legend up and on Wikipedia it says in 1950 he and his cousin won the Snipe Western Hemisphere and Asia Championship.
When I was a child, my dad signed me up for sailing class when we went to the beach and he told me that my abuelo was a world-class yachtsman. I was a tiny kid in elementary school that learned how to sail a tiny little sailboat but it was indeed a two-kid sailboat. It was in the same bay that the picture on this post is from that I learned the basics of sailing…don’t ask me to demonstrate anything to you I won’t pass the test. I remember learning to tie all the knots, the feeling of oysters or clams underneath my water shoes, a great fear that a shark was going to eat me in the dark waters and how we almost crashed into a police boat because my crew mate wasn’t paying attention.
I have always had a great fascination and a great fear of the sea at the same time and that’s probably a fair take to have on oceans, especially if you got a really bad jellyfish sting in 1st grade. That will really teach you to fear the ocean. I was terrified of the ocean all the way through midway through my twenties. I’m talking deathly afraid to the point I lost a cell phone because I refused to cross over an estuary after the tide had risen in my twenties…I’m an avid shark-weeker and I know that’s where the sharks hangout (LOL). I had a great fear of the ocean until one day I didn’t anymore. One day my FOMO (fear of missing out) became bigger than my fear of the ocean and I just decided I was done being scared. I made myself wade out til the water was over my head and since then I don’t fear it like I used to.
I love boats. There are few better feelings than cruising on a boat. I have always loved boats. I’ve also gotten incredibly sea sick deep sea fishing with my dad and brothers as a kid. There is no worse smell when there’s a storm at sea than squid that has been baking in the sun. When a storm is brewing, the ocean can get scary and minimally you can get really seasick. I love being in the middle of the ocean. I love exploring coastal towns. I love watching whales jump out of the water. I also love kayaking at the beach. Every year at the beach, I walk through the marina as pictured above and I read all the names of the boats and I pick out the ones I love the most. It’s my little tradition. I think the thing I love about oceans is the same thing that I love about cities…it’s the feeling of freedom that I’m so small in comparison to something so big, so fascinating, it holds wonder and is a little bit scary…it holds a sense of adventure and there is nothing I love more than a good adventure.
When I think back on this year all I can think is I’m thankful for all the hard years that came before this one.
When I think back on this year all I can think is I’m thankful for all the hard years that came before this one. At the beginning of the year I set a vision for what I want to be true by the end of the year. I do this instead of resolutions. I give myself deadlines that by the end of this year I will….either be engaged or break it off….I will not still be at a job….I will live in Boston…I will move…I will pay off all my student loans…I will pay off my car…I will either be in a more serious relationship or I will walk away…these are examples that I’ve had for myself in other years and I mostly always make them happen. At the beginning of this year I set some of these intentions for myself and now in December I can say I didn’t even begin to do the things to make them true but I am proud of myself. I am proud of the way I walked through this year.
I’m sure you’ve heard Franklin D. Roosevelt’s quote, “A smooth sea never made for a skilled sailor.” I honestly don’t know with certainty what makes someone a great sailor. I suppose it’s the person that goes back out there again and again. I suppose it’s someone brave. I suppose it’s someone who chooses to face the big waves instead of turning back. I suppose it’s someone with discipline and with focus. I suppose what really make a skilled sailor…is someone who has navigated through fear and hard circumstances over and over again until they have become a master at it. It’s someone who “knows the ropes” another saying that has a sailing origin. I think it’s someone who has some age on them probably because what makes a skilled sailor is experience and you’ve got to live through some things to gain experience.
Objectively I think this was probably one of the hardest years of my life but I can’t help but feel satisfied. I feel satisfied because I waded through so, so many hard years before this one…that I have become a skilled sailor. I am proud of the way I navigated these challenges and so many more personally and professionally this year. I know my December doesn’t look like I wish it did. I know my life doesn’t look like I wish it did but the person that I look at in the mirror every day….she looks exactly like I wish she did (and I don’t mean physically). She knows who she is when the pressure is turned up and she is a person of character. She is a survivor. She is smart. She is resilient. She refuses to let these experiences harden her heart. She feels things deeply. She gives herself grace and she’s brave. She’s a force to be reckoned with. She will sacrifice it all for the things she believes in and loves. She’s fiery and authentic. She says a lot of curse words along the way. She can find reasons to laugh and smile despite her circumstances and every time she’s pushed to the ground…she gets back up again.
When I look through all the photos and videos that were taken this year there are a strikingly large number with a big smile, with laughter and joy in them. I found a way to balance great hardship and great sorrow with joy. I’m really good at finding the good in all the bad. In all of the hardest circumstances, it’s my coping mechanism to dig until I find the good. I often am described by others as resilient to the point that I’d like to be known for something other than being really good at handling hard circumstances…I’m tired of hard circumstances but as I think about myself, I find hints of the family that came before me. I don’t come from a soft lineage of people. I come from a lineage of strong survivors, with deep hearts and courage. I come from a lineage of imperfect people but good people who fight for what they believe is right. I wonder where these traits deep in me come from that I am proud of so I just Googled “What is the Cuban spirit?” in the middle of writing this out of curiosity. And a few tears escape as I read them….the answer matches a phrase I’ve written a million times and said a million times. The GenAI on Google says:
A smooth sea never made for a skilled sailor.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
“The spirit of the Cuban people is often described as a vibrant, resilient, and proud love of life, marked by a strong sense of community, deep cultural pride, and a passion for music, dance, and art, often demonstrated through their ability to find joy and creativity even in the face of challenges…” I’ve bolded the part that stood out to me. Deep in our genes or in our family culture passed down from generation to generation is exactly the thing I feel most skilled at. It lists out below words and blurbs to continue answering the questions and the first word on the list is resilience.
I…I am a skillful sailor passed down through the generations. I’m walking out of this year feeling very satisfied with the way I handled all the things this year from work to dating and beyond. The older I get, the more I realize that life is really about how you can manage to navigate your circumstances. I have become more and more confident in my ability to navigate whatever is thrown at me. When you fully understand, you can’t control many things in life all you have is the ability to adapt to what is thrown at you…the sea becomes less scary because you know you can master it. None of it looked like I planned but this year was the mark of a skilled sailor. The places and the people I come from have shaped and molded me…they are deep in my DNA somewhere…they are part of my story.
I have to thank all the hard years before this one for giving me the skills to navigate this one with skill and with grace. Sometimes I wonder how I’ve arrived here. How I can feel grateful for things I shouldn’t be grateful for and I remember because I must always find the good in the bad. When you find good in the bad…it weakens the power that circumstances have over you. This year I searched and searched and searched for the good in losing my coonhound, Buddy (one of the three really hard things I encountered this year). And after many weeks of trying to find it…I found the answer…sometimes things can be so terrible…there is no good to be found….and when that happens….you must create the good and I did which is a story for another time. When you can find joy in the worst of circumstances…nothing has power over you…nothing can take your joy. It’s a weird feeling to look back on a year that I should hate for all the circumstances it thrust on me and for it to not have power over me. For me to be able to look back and think…I couldn’t have navigated it any better.
I never met my abuelo so I can’t say for sure what he would have been like but I like to think that whatever it was in him that drew him to the sea and the traits that made him a skilled sailor are perhaps the same traits in me…the resilience I’m known for…is something I’m not sure I’m responsible for…it’s something deeply engrained in me…some might call it the survivorship mentality often found in those who come from immigrant families like me. Whatever it is…I’m sure we both had it and I’d like to think he’d say, “Bien hecho pequeño marinero.”
Until Next Year,
Molly