There are certain things that in my twenties especially the early ones I thought were reserved for married people. I was always waiting until I got married to do things and buy things. When I went to grad school the first time at 22 I bought a cheap bedspread in a bag from TJ Maxx. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a budget buy or TJ Maxx, I’m an advocate of both. I bought this bedspread because I was planning on getting engaged that year and I would buy “nice things” when I got married. I would put all the things on the registry and get them then. I stuck with this mentality for years even after that relationship was over. I had a lot of hand-me-down furniture and kitchen stuff from my grandmother and I kept using it long after the time I could have replaced it because nice things for your house are for married people. You know because when I got married I would live in a house and I would want things that fit that space…so I always bought things with the mindset of temporary until I got married. I was in long term relationships for most of this time so it really wasn’t that far off of an idea.
Another thing reserved for married people was the Holiday Card. The first Christmas I received Christmas Cards from friends was always the year they got married with their wedding photo on the front. Then after that they were a “family”, and families do Holiday Cards. Then you’d get the ones with their newborn photos on the front and every year after of their ever-expanding family. The photos were always professionally done. It felt like a high barrier to entry (MBA friends enjoy this reference). You needed at a minimum a fiance so you could write “from the “future” insert last name”. You definitely needed professionally done photos and you also probably needed to have your life together to plan in advance for the coordinating outfits and setting up an appointment with a photographer and getting the pictures back early enough to get them printed and sent out the first week of December. All of these things I did not have nor did I plan that far in advance. Note: I still don’t plan that far in advance and I’m not sure I ever will.
Until one day I decided I was done waiting. I bought the nice bedspread in between long term relationships in my twenties. I bought the nice pots and pans after the end of another one. And once I crossed over 30 and stepped fully into my singleness, I decided to do a Christmas Card. I tried to do one at 30 but couldn’t ever get the picture just right so it never happened. Forget professional pictures (it’s on my list for maybe the last 3 years to do one…because while families are documenting their whole lives, as a single person…I don’t have a single professional picture of myself unless it’s from someone else’s wedding). We have to stop discounting ourselves…so stay tuned professional photos coming soon.
Here’s my life hack because it’s really hard as a single person to get everything coordinated to get your picture taken since you don’t have a second person to do it for you conveniently. Do it at Thanksgiving…you’re already dressed up and after lunch you can get your family members to do a 40 picture photo shoot until a good one comes out. You can thank my sister for my photos. Go home that day and upload the pictures to your computer and see if you can get a deal on your cards. Usually you can get a good number of cards for a reasonable price and then start sending them away.
If you’re late and running behind, my second cousin taught me this one….send a New Year’s card instead. It buys you more time and it can literally show up any time before the end of January and be in season. Last year I ended up doing this because of supply chain problems with the cards. Throw all your highlights of the year on there. Your pictures don’t need to be professional pictures, they don’t even need to be seasonal…you make the rules here. No one really cares what your card looks like just get it in the mail because the best part comes next.
Next you’ll get an abundance of cards back from your friends. My best friend taught me to put tape on the back of things on the fridge and you can in an orderly fashion put things on your fridge like that. It looks much neater than with magnets. I tape all the cards to the fridge and I leave them there all year. From top to bottom my fridge is covered with pictures of all the people I love. If new things come in, I pull off a card and replace it with the wedding invitation, card, etc.
Holiday Cards aren’t for families they are for you and for me too. Grab your roommates or your best friends if you want (but not necessary) and have a blast. Make them fun, make them silly. Check the photos of my next door neighbors from my first year out of grad school the first time. It was before people started getting married in droves so I think this was before I knew Holiday Cards were unspokenly reserved for married people. This is your life. It deserves to be documented and celebrated. Single people matter and sometimes we get the message so often that we don’t, that we believe it ourselves. I’m a rebel and I hope you are too. Go out there and live big, take up space and step into the space “reserved for families”, you deserve the nice bedspread, the nice pots and pans and the Holiday Cards too! Stop waiting, there is joy waiting for you in your mailbox. The holidays are a season really focused on families and couples and engagements…it can be really hard…you can be really sad and depressed about it or I’ve found that when I take part in the festivities instead of sitting on the sidelines I’m much more inclined to find joy than I used to.