Missed My Journey to Boston (Part 1) click here to read first.
I didn’t touch my study materials for the weeks I had to wait. I couldn’t make myself do it. Two days before the test I called my sister sobbing. I said I can’t do this. I can’t take this test. I can’t go through another panic attack. She asked if I could get my money back. I said, “No”. She said, “You have nothing to lose at this point. Wait and make your decision the morning of but I think you should just take it and see what happens.”
So that’s what I did…and I took it…and I hit the highest score I made in undergrad after multiple attempts. That’s when I learned to celebrate “good enough” and I tried to not be disappointed after so much preparation. The way you’re suppose to apply to MBA programs is to apply to the highest programs you can get into. When I applied, I applied to 5 schools and 4 of those were in Boston. My goal was to go to Boston so I didn’t do things the way “you should”. I decided to go visit two programs before I made my final decision. I booked my flights and hotel and as the weeks passed before my trip, I decided that I would not go to grad school after all. I didn’t go to a single information session or virtual student open house. I viewed my trip to Boston more as a vacation at this point where I would look at the schools to confirm my decision to not attend.
I am the hero in my own story. I hoped and prayed someone would save me (preferably a dashingly handsome man) but I saved myself with help along the way from my friends and family and classmates.
Molly inclÁn
Days before my trip everything shut down for Covid. Since I was unable to visit that confirmed my decision to turn down my offers. As the deadline approached for one school, I turned it down. The other school had a later deadline and then they pushed it back one more week due to Covid. That one week was the week where I realized Covid wasn’t just some 2-3 week thing so I called my mom and said I think I’m going to put down my deposit just in case Covid lasts all the way until the fall. In June the second deposit was due, I paid it again to keep my options open. I went to orientation with the idea I was just here until Covid was over and I would drop out when the economy got better. One of my best friends said, “You’re not very good at quitting things, do you think you’ll actually quit?” Man does she know me.
My MBA program saved me. It took me completely out of my comfort zone. It challenged me and reminded me how capable I am. There were so many times along the way where I learned things my MBA program offered or areas where it was highly-ranked. Of course, it was all news to me since I never went to a single admissions event but I was always pleasantly surprised at all the awesome things my program had. I really ended up right where I needed to be by sheer luck or perhaps divine intervention. It restored my self-confidence. It surrounded me with some of the most encouraging and supportive people I know. It introduced me to people from around the world. My classmates welcomed me with open arms. I spent an entire year on Zoom and as soon as I was eligible to be vaccinated and cleared my two weeks I hopped on a plane to find somewhere to live in Boston.
After 4 days of hiking 12 miles a day in 90 degree weather because the T was down and you had to wear a mask even outdoors I was downtrodden. My mom and I discussed me dropping out of the program because I couldn’t find somewhere to live. I was so stressed I lost 5 lbs because I was so nauseous I hardly ate. Thursday nights at a local bar are a huge thing in my program so I went Thursday night and I met all my classmates. I came back to the hotel and I said I have to find somewhere to live. Those people are why I chose not to drop out. I found a place to live and my application was initially rejected by the automated system since I didn’t have a job. I panicked that I wasn’t going to be able to make this work. A few days later, I officially had a place to live.
The thing that tried to break me, it actually ended up making me…into the best me I’ve ever seen.
molly inclÁn
By this time, I had gotten really comfortable in a place and a life I did not enjoy living. So when it was time to move to Boston I was having lots of second thoughts. I moved to Boston with 2 suitcases. I almost missed my flight because I was in the airport bathroom trying not to throw up. I was having a panic attack getting on the plane but I think that’s important to note. I was scared and panicking but I got on the plane anyway. It’s okay to be scared. It’s not okay to let fear hold you back. I continued to be so nauseous I couldn’t eat much for a few days.
Then school started and I met all my classmates again and I never looked back. Boston is everything I dreamed of and more. The path was long. It was delayed. And then it got even more delayed because of Covid but I made it and I made it in God’s timing. I spent so many days praying and hoping for Boston for 3 long years while simultaneously wondering if I could live 1,000 miles from home with no car and no support system. Guess what not only can I do it, I can live the best days of my life like that. It makes me want to cry writing this. I am so proud of where I am. I am so proud of all the things I went through including the bomb going off in my life. I am one of the strongest people I know. I am the hero in my own story. I hoped and prayed someone would save me (preferably a dashingly handsome man) but I saved myself with help along the way from my friends and family and classmates. You’ll see their words scattered throughout this post. If you haven’t read the Dear Jacky, Letter on why who you surround yourself with is important you can read it here. You can see the number of times someone else’s words gave me the push to not give up. I made it to the mountain top and I think climbing that mountain made me strong and resilient, but it broke me, it made me compassionate, it made me love people so strong, it broke me wide open where my softness pours out, it made me vulnerable. The thing that tried to break me, it actually ended up making me…into the best me I’ve ever seen.