I have always seen Valentine’s Day as just a day to make it through or survive. It didn’t really seem to matter whether I had a boyfriend or not…I just wasn’t a fan. As long as I can remember, it signaled a day of disappointment. I remember seeing other girls get “Candy Grams” from their boyfriends or better yet secret admirers in middle school and feeling unchosen. In college, I remember coming down to the lobby of my high rise dorm and the front desk and all around the lobby was filled with probably 100 or more flower deliveries. I remember hoping that maybe just maybe one was for me…spoiler alert they weren’t. There was the time I got dumped in the Olive Garden parking lot on my one year anniversary. I laugh about this now and the guy that did this and I are friends now many years later. He’s a good guy I don’t want to cast him in a bad light. I’m just telling you my luck with Valentine’s Day wasn’t good.
There was a guy that did send me flowers twice for Valentine’s Day but he didn’t even sign his name to the card and there certainly was no I love you and I’m lucky to have you message. We never did anything for Valentine’s Day because he hated it and refused to celebrate but what he really was refusing to do was to let me know I mattered and that he was grateful for me. Then there was the year where a guy just shrugged his shoulders and said oh yea I forgot to get you flowers when I saw him which just really sends the message that I wasn’t important. So you can probably see where a great distaste for Valentine’s Day came from.
People don’t hate Valentine’s Day, they hate the feeling of being unchosen, unloved, not worthy of being remembered.
But now I want to tell you where a new found love for Valentine’s Day came from after many, many disasterful Valentine’s Days. After a particularly horrible break up a few weeks before Valentine’s Day I remember walking down the back steps of my parent’s porch on my way to work and taking a deep breath knowing this was going to be a particularly hard one to get through. I recalled during the midst of that deep breath I said a quick prayer something along the lines of God just get me through this day. At lunch time, I walked out to my car and two of my sweet married friends had left a bouquet of flowers and a card on the windshield of my car. I literally cried and still do anytime I tell people that story. I was on the way to lunch with another married friend and when we sat down to eat, she pulled out a Krispy Kreme Valentine’s Day doughnut and said she thought of me that morning and got me one for Valentine’s Day. When I returned to work, my parents had dropped off another vase of flowers for me. This day kept getting better and better. I then went to a Junior League meeting that night and won the door prize of cake pops and other goodies. After the meeting two other single friends and I went to a Mexican restaurant and had dinner and drinks. What I expected to be the worst Valentine’s Day turned out to be the best Valentine’s I’ve ever had.
From that day on, I always remember what a wonderful day that was because of all the people who showed up for me and reminded me that I wasn’t forgotten. I use to teach at a women’s college so the next year I bought several dozen roses and gave one to every student walking out of my class that day. I remember the looks on their faces, the words of gratitude I received but mostly I remember how much I loved each of those students and I never wanted them to feel those feelings I felt as everyone around me got something on Valentine’s and I didn’t. I’ve taken flowers to a coworker on the Valentine’s Day right after her mother passed away and gifts to my widowed grandmother and other small acts of kindness to remind others that they are loved and I try to make them feel like I did on that fateful Valentine’s Day.
When I started focusing on making others feel loved, worthy and treasured that’s when I found my love for Valentine’s Day. People don’t hate Valentine’s Day, they hate the feeling of being unchosen, unloved, not worthy of being remembered. That one day completely shifted my perspective and I’m already thinking about who I can surprise this year. I wait for the day with anticipation and can’t wait to spread the love. Whether you’re single or you’re married I want you to get creative and find something small you can do to make someone feel loved. Every year my best friend still does this for me. I promise it will forever change how you feel about Valentine’s Day and it will make a single girl feel so celebrated and like she matters on a day when the world tells her she doesn’t.