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I’ve sat at this computer and written piece after piece and yet none of them are it. It’s been a while since I’ve had time to sit and write. I’ve gotten out of practice, out of the rhythm of creating and now it feels hard to start again because I know whatever comes pouring onto the page isn’t going to be my best work ever. I’m rusty and that doesn’t feel good but I also can’t let myself be paralyzed by the pursuit of perfection.
Lately, I’ve taken up running. Running is actually something I used to hate. I spent many years in high school running cross country and I’m still not exactly sure why. It wasn’t fun. I wasn’t good. It really didn’t leave with me much except it probably trained me to push through hard things, to keep moving forward no matter how slow the pace, to know what it feels like to be towards the end of the pack and watch other people achieve victory from afar. It actually probably taught me a lot of things that prepared me well to be an adult. It probably equipped me to succeed in the worst of circumstances.
A few weeks ago, I sent a text to a coworker asking her how much she hates running to test the waters and see if I could convince her into running a race with me. I knew work was approaching a season where my schedule didn’t match the boxing class offerings. I decided I needed to find something that allowed me to work out on my own time and schedule and would keep me accountable….so I chose running. My coworker signed on to my crazy idea and we committed to a race 8 weeks out. We downloaded the Nike Run Club app and off to the races we went (not really…it wasn’t that glorious). That first time I laced up my sneakers after years of not running, the workout was to run for five minutes. Five minutes sounds short, it sounds easy, it is not. I’m embarrassed to admit that 3 minutes in I was sucking wind while listening to a guy from Nike Run Club named Coach Bennett speak inspirational phrases into my ear through my earbuds. It was definitely not an instantaneous Coach Bennett is the best ever moment but now I talk about Coach Bennett like he’s my best friend. He has gotten me through more runs than he knows. His cheesy mantras and encouragement keep me putting one foot in front of the other.
You know the things you’re avoiding because it feels hard or uncomfortable and you’re letting those feelings hold you back from a better life. I hope you’re bigger than that.
My coworker and I run together one day a week. We put it in our earbuds and hit play at the same time and we run in sync for the workout. Over the last 4 weeks I’ve gone from barely being able to run 3 minutes to running 3.1 miles 9 seconds slower than the goal we set. Today I’m sitting looking out the window at the rain pouring down and hoping the rain lets up at least to a light drizzle so I can go run. I really don’t recognize myself or the words I just typed…I hate running so I’m not sure who this person is looking for any chance to go run.
Little acts of discipline will change your life. I like doing hard things. I like overcoming challenges. I like building myself into a better person. It is so powerful to adopt discipline. It makes you unstoppable. Hard things turn into feeling like you’re on autopilot. Discipline takes the emotions out of things. Discipline means you do the things that are best for you regardless of how you’re feeling. I dare you to take up an act of discipline whether it’s forcing yourself to get up an hour earlier (I won’t be joining you on this one…but go for it friend!) or making yourself go to the gym everyday or picking up the phone and making an appointment with a therapist or eating your vegetables or drinking more water or having the hard conversations you’re avoiding. You know the things you’re avoiding because it feels hard or uncomfortable and you’re letting those feelings hold you back from a better life. I hope you’re bigger than that.
Traditionally I’ve run in bursts of energy and then walked until I could muster a running speed again. Nike Run Club has taught me to not overexert myself, it’s taught me about pacing and it’s taught me that consistency wins the race. Running has taught me that every day is not going to be a good running day and when I started allowing myself to have bad days as long as I finish I realized I should have the same grace for myself at work and in relationships and in life. If you’re consistent and showing up for anything you’re going to have less than ideal days it’s just part of it. There may be more mediocre or bad days than the good days sometimes but it’s a sign you’re showing up.
And that’s how we get unstuck….that’s how this blog post came to be. After a long hiatus due to an insanely busy schedule and higher-ranking priorities this is like that first run when you decide you’re going to take up running. You just have to start putting one foot in front of the other to get your stride back. It’s not going to be good. It’s not going to be pretty. It’s probably not going to be fun but it is a step towards where you want to be and there is victory in that.