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Dear Jackie, 

I want to recognize someone who never gets the recognition they deserve. We’re always hearing about their siblings the Start and the Finish and no one, no one ever talks enough about the Middle. If you scour the internet, I’m sure you’ll find many posts about the importance of the Start and the Finish. Don’t worry, we’ll talk about them here too but we’re going to start with the unsung hero, the Middle. There are so many people out there cheering you on to the Start, the new job, the new relationship, even through the new break up, the move to the new city, the marriage, the start of a new degree. There will be people there to celebrate you at the Finish of the marathon, the graduation, the goal, the promotion, the send off to a new place, but the Middle will be a much lonelier place with far fewer people hanging around. 

The Middle isn’t glamourous or lined with confetti and cake but the reality is the Middle, the Middle is where winners are made, where character is built, where the Finish is actually determined. The outcome is determined in the Middle. The Middle is where quitters are made, where grit is built, where character is forged. The Middle isn’t easy. It’s the hardest part. It’s the middle of the cancer treatments when you don’t know how you’ll make it the rest of the way. It’s Mile 18 in a marathon when you wonder why you thought you could do this. It’s first semester of Junior year when you wonder if college is really worth it. It’s the 5th cycle of infertility drugs. It’s settling into the loneliness of a new city. It’s 4 months after the funeral when everyone else has resumed normal life but you can’t. It’s when you’re still looking for a job months after graduation to no avail. That’s the Middle. The Middle tests you. It makes you curse. It make you cry. It makes you doubt yourself. It pushes you past your limits. It’s the loneliest part of the journey. You’re too far from the Start to still feel the adrenaline of jumping into something new but also too far from the Finish to see the light at the end of the tunnel or the finish line giving you the last push of motivation you need. 

When you find yourself in the Middle, you’ve got to remind yourself to keep pressing forward because the Middle can’t last forever even though it may feel like it. There will be things you encounter that have defined beginnings and ends like a marathon or a semester long class. You know where you are in relation to the finish. You can count down until you get there. You can see your progress, you can track it, you know exactly how long the misery will last. There are mile markers in your journey, tick marks, points where you can measure your progress and see it. 

There is only one way to eat an elephant, a bite at a time.

desmond tutu

One time I went on a hike on a trail labeled “strenuous” and they weren’t joking. It was hot. We didn’t have enough water. We weren’t adequately prepared. My friend would ask how much farther we had to go periodically. I had an Apple Watch and what the sign at the foot of the trail said was the distance up the mountain, so I would try to do the math and update her. Spoiler alert when we finished the hike my Apple Watch did not reconcile with the sign. When we finally made it to a lookout point we started running into people coming down the mountain. We would ask how much farther it was and it was comical the range of answers we got. Depending on who you asked we had anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours to reach the peak. This hike was a lot less walking and a lot more climbing. The “steps” were huge rocks that felt like the big wooden boxes at the gym you’re supposed to step up onto to work your glutes and thighs. I can feel the burn in my muscles just thinking about it. We didn’t know whether to turn around or to keep going. That’s when the Middle gets really, really hard, when you don’t know where you stand. When you don’t know whether to turn around or to press forwards. 

The Middle looks like persistence, perseverance, frustration, anger, sadness and a whole lot of other feelings but it is where champions are made, heroes are formed, it’s where the outcome is decided not in the final seconds of the game or the final mile of the race that’s the easy part. I was you could say a high-strung child. I remember most school projects would end in tears the night before. Mostly because I was a procrastinator and a perfectionist at the same time (a deadly combo) and once the clock started getting late I started panicking that I wouldn’t get it all done and would be exhausted the next day. My Dad used to quote a saying to me when this would happen. It’s worded a little different but based off a quote from Desmond Tutu. He used to say, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” It’s a silly saying that I never appreciated in the moment but I live by today. It’s how I do literally everything. I break it down. I focus bite by bite or step by step. Monumental progress is made in the tiny things you do. 

Life will be overwhelming especially if you’re trying to accomplish great things, if you’re trying to live something other than a mediocre life, if you’re trying to make an impact YOU WILL BE OVERWHELMED. That is normal. The way you win is what you do when you reach the point of overwhelm. Remember climbing Mt. Everest looks the same as the hike I talked about above, it is accomplished one step at a time. Being a world class surgeon looks the same as the sprinter who runs 100m over and over and over again. The more reps you do, the better you get until it’s second-nature. Whatever you’re trying to accomplish, break it down to it’s most simplistic component and focus on that. Dig in. Embrace the pain. Turn your anger into fuel. Break down sobbing and when you’re done…go through the motions. No one said I ever showed up or anyone ever showed up on their A game every day. Some days I just showed up and that’s it. I didn’t have a good attitude. I didn’t have it in me to give 100%. I just showed up.

Accomplishing most goals and getting to the other side of most circumstances is more about not giving up than it is about anything else. Keep showing up, keep chipping away, over time the breakthrough does come and if it hasn’t, it will. Your breakthrough is coming, just….keep…chipping.

Glory is claimed in the Middle, 

Molly